Who Do They Think Kira Is?
by BloodyJamAndStrawberryMurder
Summary: Tim gathers all the Death Note characters in a room together to ask them who they think Kira actually is. A single disagreement and all hell breaks loose. Death after death, who will survive, and who will die, never to be seen again? Random crackfic. I read a funny crackfic a while back and I just HAD to make my own version of it because it made me laugh so so so much! Enjoy!:


**A/N: **_Alright, so a while back I read this HILARIOUS crackfic, and I really really really wanted to write my own version of it! s/6334756/1/Are-You-Obsessed-With-Death-Note This is the link - I hope the author doesn't mind me doing this, but I give all credits to the original author for the idea, as I actually laughed so much, so go check it out. And yeah, to the author of the original, if you don't want this to be up, then just tell me and I'll take it down :) _ 'Hi, I'm Tim. I have been hired by someone with a stupid, bad idea that cannot possibly end well. I am to get all of the Death Note characters in one big room together, (a problem within itself) and interview them about who they think Kira is. Just in case you're wondering, I want to be cremated when I die. Here goes nothing.' Tim walked into the room where everyone was gathered, carrying his microphone. "It sure took you long enough." Aizawa complained. "Sorry." Tim apologised. He warily eyed Beyond Birthday, who was leaning against a wall, staring at everyone with blood lust in his crimson eyes. Matt was absorbed in his video game and Mello was eating a chocolate bar. L was crouching in a chair with a plate of cake he was munching through, and Light was laughing evilly across the room. Near was twirling his hair and playing with toys. Ryuk was eating an apple and Rem was just staring. Watari was sitting, doing nothing and so on. Once Tim got everyone's attention he began. "Right. Matsuda, you're first. Who do you believe is Kira?" Matsuda sat there thinking for a few moments before finally groaning his Matsuda groan and saying, "I have no idea." "Okay, we'll come back to you. Sayu, who do you think Kira is?" Sayu looked up, surprised she had actually been asked. "Well, I think that maybe it could be a celebrity or someone doing it for publicity." She smiled as Tim beamed at her relevant answer. "Okay, thank you. Misa, you're next. Who-" "WHAAT?" Misa leapt out of her seat. "Your turn now." Tim repeated. "For what!?" Misa had a shocked look on her face. Everyone face palmed in desperation. "Just answer the question." Light hissed. "Anything for you Light!" Misa batted her eyelashes at him, everyone groaned. "Okay," Tim continued. "Who do you think Kira is?" "I actually KNOW who Kira is." She stood there, a manic grin on her face, her wide blue eyes open... Wide. Light gave her a look and L grinned in triumph. "Err... Who then?" Soichiro asked. Misa, loving all the attention, grabbed the microphone off a terrified looking Tim. "Well, I know lots about this person. And I think they are amazing because they look for justice and try so -" "Just tell us who it is." Mello muttered. "NO!" Misa yelled, "I'm not going to tell you. So there!" she stuck out her tongue and then sat back down. "Well that was helpful." Light rolled his eyes. "Right, L. You're next. Who do you think Kira is?" Tim eventually managed to get the microphone off of Misa and went over to L. "Well. I think that Kira is in fact... Light-Kun." "Oh Ryuzaki!" Light chuckled, "Don't start that here." "Well I'm just saying what I think. It's only about a 3% chance that you ARE Kira, but you're the only suspect there is..." L trailed off. "Oh Ryuzaki! Don't be ridiculous! Of course it's not me." Light had suddenly turned a very pale colour. "Actually, I believe that L may be right..." Near looked up, his face blank. "Oh great. Not you as well." Light rolled his eyes. "Actually, I know, in fact, that it IS Li-" Light rushed to cover Misa's mouth. B walked forward then, "I know that it's Light." Light leapt to his feet, "Oh no you di'int!" he snapped his finger then waved it from side to side, while pulling a duck face. Light's mother then stood up and rushed over to Light. "Light... That was very... Feminine... Is there something you need to tell us?" She put her hand on his shoulder in a concerned manner. "Step aside mother!" He shoved his mother to the side and started to walk towards B as if he was on a runway. B just stood there, eyebrow raised. Then Near leapt forward, leg in the air. "FALCON KICK!" he screamed, totally out of character, knocking Light to the ground unconscious. Afterwards, he simply put his hands together, bowed, then calmly resumed his position by his toys. Everyone stared at Near, eyebrows raised. He ignored the shocked glances though and continued piecing together his puzzle. Matt then broke the silence by yelling "OH MY GOD NEAR! That was epic!" Then everyone applauded Near. Meanwhile Ryuk, Rem and Sidoh had started a game of spin the bottle and Ryuk and Rem were Shingami-Kissing. (Whatever that may be..0.o) "Guys!" Sayu giggled, "Get a room you two!" Ryuk and Rem looked up in embarrassment then shuffled away from eachother until they were as far away as possible. "I see..." Watari said, a disgusted look on his face. "Hey, it was cute!" Misa ran up to Watari and kicked him. Beyond then ran up to Misa and proposed, while L went to see if Watari was okay. Matsuda started dancing with Aizawa, Ukita and Takada to the Macerena and Light managed to regain consciousness in time to join them. A terrified Tim started to back out of the door as B pulled out a knife and threatened Misa that he'd murder her if she didn't marry him. Suddenly L screamed and collapsed onto the floor yelling "IT'S KIRA!" Light then ran to him. "RYUZAAAAAKIII!" he had tears in his eyes. "I ALWAYS LOVED YOU RYUZAKI!" Everyone rushed up to L to see if he was okay. He was dead. Light then leapt to his feet, his eyes had suddenly turned a creepy red colour, he started laughing his Kira laugh. Everyone was really scared, especially at the red eyes. Mello pulled a disgusted face. "What the fuck's up with YOU?" "That's right... I'm KIRA!" Light laughed more and opened his eyes wide, only for a red eye contact to pop out of his eye. "Try-Hard." B muttered. "Y-y-you're Kira?" Sayu gasped. "Indeed!" Light laughed so much he was wheezing, "Now bow to me!" Everyone just looked at him like he was mad. "BOW!" He commanded, pulling a terrifying face. Everyone immediately started bowing, horrified. Ryuk just sat there laughing while he was eating his apple, but then started coughing as he choked on a piece of apple. He then collapsed. Light continued to laugh. Then he tripped and fell on top of L. L then opened his eyes and shoved Light off him. Light then was pushed so hard he smashed through the window and ended up in a random field somewhere. "L! What happened?" everyone crowded round L. "I only pretended to die! Honestly! I only wanted a confession!" L rolled his eyes. Then a random angel appeared in the room, causing an absolutely petrified Tim to run away to a random field somewhere. The angel then told them all that God was calling and they all needed to go through the sparkly gates now. So Misa, attracted by the sparkly gates, left, followed by Matsuda, Sayu, Takada and everyone a part from L, Near, Mello, Matt, B, Watari and the Shinigami. The angel left with them, then after half an hour of wondering what had happened to them, they realised that they had all gone to heaven and they would never see them again. Then Matt randomly slapped Near yelling 'You stole the cookie from the cookie jar!' 'I did not steal the cookie from the cookie jar.' Near rolled his eyes. 'Then who did?' Matt screamed, outraged. 'Maybe L did?' Near's face remained blank. 'I did not steal the cookie from the cookie jar!' L held his hands up to protest. 'Then who did?' Near asked him. Before they knew it they were playing a full-blown game of 'Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?' Eventually Watari felt he had to step in. 'Calm down now everyone. Matt, I think you need to face that someone stole your chocolate cookie from the cookie jar. I mean, can't we drop it now, that was 7 years ago!?' 'I know!' Matt then burst into tears. 'But it was the last chocolate cookie...' B then stepped out of the shadows, he'd been hiding. He had a pot of blood red jam in his hand, but most the jam was smeared on his face. 'I stole the cookie from the cookie jar.' he grinned manically. Matt didn't even speak, he just rushed forward and head butted him so hard that he went through B and smashed off the wall. There was no doubt about it, they were both dead. Now only 6 humans remain, who will be the last one standing and take on the role as the new shinigami king? (the old one got fired.) ONLY TIME WILL TELL! **(I have no idea what the hell that was.. O.o)**


End file.
